To the Person Who Gives Too Many F*cks
To the Person Who Gives Too Many F*cks:
Before you go and think that I’m someone that gives absolutely no f*cks, prances down the cereal aisle in a Halloween costume in June, and just starts singing loudly in public places—let me let you in on a little secret.
I was the Queen of Giving Too Many F*cks for as long as I could remember.
The desire to feel validated from others turned from a want to a need to a “I could not go on without it.”
Yeah, you get the picture.
It was bad.
And the thing is, I’m definitely not alone.
There is definitely a “Giving too may F*cks” club.
And back then I would have been freaking President.
I swear (pun intended) it was like I was wearing a name tag above my left boob that read “Hi, My Name is Cindal and I give too many f*cks.”
So how did I land myself in the G.T.M.F. club?
I felt that receiving self-validation was so much harder than external validation, so I went the latter.
To avoid facing myself, I faced the world.
But here’s the problem: If you don’t have that self validation, all that self love business, then no amount of external validation will ever be enough.
This hit me like a bulldozer a few years ago when no matter how many things I achieved, bought, received—while happy in the moment—when alone I felt rather empty and quite lonely.
External validations are momentary; so while they may fill you up in the moment, once it passes, the desire to fill the void grows stronger.
So if I wanted more than a moment, where do I start?
By living your truth. Whatever that means to you.
By realizing that people actually don’t care about you all that much.
Everyone is busy enough with their own lives—caught up with their own sh*t, pretty much consumed in Me, Myself, and I—to spend those precious extra seconds contemplating your life.
While that could make you feel a little lonely or just downright sad, what about how liberating that is?
If people don’t care then you’re free to do and be however you want. Have a ball. Throw a party in your honor. Dance down that cereal aisle.
And you’re going to need some of that self-love business.
Which I’m not saying lightly at all.
I believe that self-love is downright one of the hardest things we do in this lifetime.
But it’s also one of the most rewarding.
Self-love is more than just loving who you are (which is important) but it also encompasses self-respect, self-esteem, and self-acceptance.
Self-love is damn hard for a reason.
It’s a work-in-progress every single day.
I used to think of it as a destination and once you reach it, you’re golden, forever.
But that was my mistake.
After reaching that feeling in my mind, body, and soul, I put self-love on the backburner.
I was so consumed with my daily activities and all those other goals I was trying to achieve that self-love got a little lost of the way.
And by the time I realized it, I had a lot less of it than I care to admit.
Self-love is not a destination.
Self-love is a journey.
As you change through the many seasons of your life so will your love.
For yourself and others.
So keep doing the work, have faith in the process, and with a few reminders here and there, continue on your merry way.
And remember to love yourself. And the rest will work itself out.