To the Person Who Blames Their Parents

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To the person who blames their parents:

I get it.

It’s easy to do.

 

I don’t know what in particular you blame your parents about.

Maybe you blame them for lack of ability in anything Math related.

Maybe you blame them for your dead-end, boring ass job that they insisted you get to have a stable form of income.

Maybe you blame them for divorcing early and instilling in you a belief that men are completely awful, untrustworthy bastards that has caused you to never, ever date.

Maybe you blame them for your receding hairline at the age of 25.

 

Whatever you blame your parents for, I can assure you they’re not the main culprits.

But how can you argue with genetics? Well, okay, maybe you were destined to receive a receding hairline but if your Father got one at the age of 50 and you got yours at 25 maybe (which means almost certainly) you did something to accelerate the process by 25 years. Like stress. Or your diet. Or a million other things.

 

But for everything else, I argue that it’s not your parents. It’s your mindset.

 

But Cindal, I suck at Math. Believe me.

No, I won’t. Because it’s not that you are bad at Math. It’s your belief that you are bad at Math.

So with the “I suck” mindset, any task you are confronted with that involves any form of Math, you, through a self-fulfilling prophecy, suck.

Here’s a simple equation:  I believe I suck = You actually suck

Why? Because you already arrived at the conclusion before you started.

You didn’t even give yourself a chance.

You fully succumbed to the belief that you suck, played the victim, and the result proved you were right.

So therefore, you believe that you have proof that you in-fact suck.

But in reality you just fulfilled your own non-disputable belief of yourself.

 

Okay, we get it, self-fulfilling prophecy yada-yada. But Cindal my problem is more complicated then Math, I’m stuck in the monotony of a nine-to-five because my parents wanted me to have a stable job so I’m bored as shit every day because of them.

Really?
You’re bored as shit because of them.

Your parents submitted your application, went on the phone interview, signed the dotted line of the contract, and sat your ass in your 4’x4’ cubicle every day since.

 

Okay, they didn’t do that but they pressured me into it.

I get that. Pressure, especially coming from your parents is difficult (I come from an traditional Asian household—I know all about pressure)

That pressure comes from a place of believing they know the “right” way.

Whether they know it or not, there isn’t a right way to do anything.

When you came into the world all that they taught you, instilled in you, lectured you on—was all that they know.

I believe that’s the key to understanding your parents: They can only teach you what they know.

If they never speak up for themselves, how can you judge yourself for not knowing how?

If they were never taught to take chances, to take risks, to throw caution to the wind and just go for it—how can you expect them to encourage you to do something they know nothing about?

If they never explored their creative nature, how you expect them to understand yours?  

Your parents may deter you from the unfamiliar, a.k.a. the unstable, unsafe, or the straight shot to financial ruins, and that’s okay. They’re just afraid of what they don’t know, because either they didn’t want to, didn’t have the time, or just flat out refused to stray from the path of stability.

They’re just looking out for you. And that’s great; it’s part of why we love them.

But that doesn’t mean their fear should keep you from your courage to do it anyway.

 

But, my parents made me this way. This is all I know how to do.

But your ability to make decisions, the ability to make your own choices, to decide for yourself—you gave that power to them.

Maybe you felt that you didn’t have a choice, but you did. You still do. If you choose to.

 

I know the situation is different for everyone. Maybe you rely on your parents for financial support so the whole You Do You mindset doesn’t quite workout for you.

 

But if you really, truly, sincerely, whole-heartedly wanted to leave your job, start your own business, move-out, become a professional trapeze artist—you could.

If you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way to make it happen.

Not because you’re naive, but because you have unyielding faith in yourself. You don’t have a back-up plan because you believe won’t need one. You want it bad. You will make it happen. No if’s, and’s, but’s about it.

 

You will.

If you want to.

 

You can’t just want to want to.

You really have to want it.

 

Once you make the decision that it’s going to happen no matter what, you’re on your way! To making it happen for you. How exciting is that?

 

Sincerely,

Cindal

Cindal MaComment