To the Person Whose Heart I Broke

Ha'penny Bridge (Dublin, Ireland)

Ha'penny Bridge (Dublin, Ireland)

 

To the person whose heart I broke:

I’m sorry.

I know, such an original starting line.

But just so you know, from the bottom of my heart, I am very sorry that I broke yours.

And how shitty I made you feel.

 

Why am I writing after all this time?

I wanted to say sorry for the longest time, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on one thing.

The last thing you probably wanted was for me to call and tell you a long list of “I’m sorry for…”’s.

But I finally figured out what that one thing was that I was sorry for the most—the all encompassing I’m sorry.

 

I’m sorry for believing that protecting myself was more important than our relationship.

 

I always put myself first and foremost.

I thought that that was the right thing to do. It’s what my mom does. And she’s one of the strongest women I know—so I thought I should too.

I believed that being strong and independent meant putting yourself first.

I forgot that when you love someone, putting yourself first or someone else first shouldn’t really be the focus.

It certainly wasn’t yours. You were always quick to admit your wrongs. I was always quick to look past mine.

 

So maybe you had it right all a long, and I was the one that needed to catch up.

Loving someone doesn’t mean surrendering, it just means that you found someone that makes believe that deepening a relationship is more important than guarding yourself from potential pain down the road--that that person deserves my courage, and maybe I do too.

 

I know you blamed yourself for our ending. And on the surface, I believed you caused us to hit our breaking point.

But it wasn’t you.

It was me.

I didn’t get it then, I’m sorry for that too.

 

I know my apology came a bit late—I didn’t get it until now. Why we didn’t work out, why things turned out the way they did, why we are the way we are now.

 

So, here it comes, the all-encompassing apology.

 

From one walking wounded to another, I’m sorry for breaking your heart.  

I’m sorry for being so late to understand something you already did.

 

Sincerely,

Cindal

Cindal MaComment