To the Bad Days:

Boston, Massachusetts

Boston, Massachusetts

To the “BaD” Days:

It’s obvious I don’t particularly like you, but I don’t hate you either.

Hate gives you too much power and takes too much of my energy. And you’re not worth that kind of time.

It would place too much importance on you.

In the past, when you would pay me a visit I would allow you to take up all of my time.

I would spend the whole day incessantly obsessing about you.

And of course you loved this.

Due to your attention-seeking nature, you drew life from this kind of behavior.

Giving you just what you craved, I became your lifeline.

And there is no way you would walk away from that.

Now, I choose to let you be.

I acknowledge your presence but completely ignore you.

Hating the lack of obsession you try everything to grab my attention.

As your lifeline slips away, you become increasingly aggressive and hostile.

You try to make situations seem worse than they are and emotions seem more intense.

You do everything you can to disorient me and make me feel out of control.

You try to get me on that downward spiraling path so you can have all that attention that keeps you alive.

But I’m stronger than that. Because I know you.

You make it a point to know when I’m particularly listless and weak because you believe this opens a window of opportunity to try and regain control.

But even in my weakest state, I know your tricks.

And I won’t be falling for them.

I refuse to be your lifeline anymore.

Because something you have taught me is that I am beyond worth it.

If I’m in fact so special that you cannot help but continue to try to grab my attention, then I must really be something.

So thank you.

Thank you for helping me to understand that I am worth all that time, energy, and effort.

Thank you for providing me the opportunity to teach myself self-love, compassion, and acceptance.

Thank you for providing the opportunity to show myself again and again that I am stronger than you.

So whenever you feel like leaving, I will gladly show you the door.

But until then, I’ll just continue to do what I do.

Without you.

Because it’s not up to you to decide what kind of day I’m going to have.

It’s always up to me.

My day is only truly a “bad” day if I choose to label it that way.

And I’m going to choose something else.

Sincerely,

Cindal


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